have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "how am i feelin'?"  what is the reply?  little bit nervous?  little bit frustrated?  have you ever thought, "dang, yo, i'm a pretty cool dude!"  if not, why do you think that is?  are there any things in your life which are causing the discomfort?  decisions you have made?  people you have crossed?  i'm not talking about real life sorrow here, the kind we can't avoid, losing loved ones, and the tears and the pain.  no, i'm talking about how you feel about your SELF.  your conduct.  your actions.  how do you feel right now in this moment?  are you happy with how your life is going?  wish certain things would change?  sometimes, it is nice to check in with ourselves, say, "how you doin', man?  feelin' good?"  chances are, if you stop to ask yourself how things are going and the answer is, "not so good," there might be logical explanations for why you feel distraught.  perhaps it was that piece of banana cheesecake you ate last night at two in the morning.  maybe it was the way you lost your temper with your cousin when she asked if she could borrow your car.  maybe it was something from your childhood which you just can't let go.  most likely, these things are understandable, if we take time to find the root causes of our stress.  for example, maybe you didn't get the right kind of nurturing as a child that you so desperately needed, which made you testy and easily provoked, which made you lash out at the lunch lady, who was working so hard to get by with five kids and two jobs. 

it's natural to feel bad about poor decisions.  although there is usually a clear explanation as to why A led to B which led to C.  do you give yourself a lot of flack?  when you ask yourself, "how am i feelin'?" what is the tone of the voice responding?  do you harshly cut yourself down to size, saying, "what the hell is wrong with me?  why am i like this and that?"  well, i would like to offer respite from the storm.  we are human.  we are still in the midst of our evolution, unaware as to why and how we wound up alive on this lovely strange Earth.  is it not natural for there to be mistakes and mishaps along the way?  shall we beat ourselves up until our dying day for causes beyond our control? 

now, i'm NOT saying if you slay strangers in dark alleys at night that you should let yourself off the hook...but most of us are naturally confused and trying our best, and of course we slip up.  of course we yell and lose control.  of course.  and so it is that we learn to grow into ourselves and be respectful, caring adults.  ready to hold ourselves accountable.  but in order to hold ourselves accountable without self-destructive criticism, it may be important that we make peace with our past and see clearly how we become who we are.  if we can see the simple equation of our lives, chances are, we will ease up in our critical self-controlling thoughts.  we will allow ourselves the room to fuck up, and fix it from there.  there is always time to repair. 

so, i ask you, "how you feelin'?"  i would like to be the first to say, "i think you're doing pretty darn well."  and if you're not feeling so hot about yourself, why do you think that is so?  can you see clearly why you are what you are?  can you give yourself a break?  are there a few people you feel the need to apologize to?  ok, well, simple enough.  write them a letter.  better yet, write yourself a letter first.  make peace with yourself.  the rest will fall naturally into place.  i think you're doing a great job.  try not to fret.  or fret not to try.  either way, time shall march on.  best wishes, fellow friends!

chris

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