he said to me, "i feel like it's strange that we forgot the beauty of life.  somehow along the way, the almighty dollar rose to the top of our list of priorities.  i wonder why, but then i realize, oh, well, the food was unobtainable unless one had money.  and food is actually the most important element to sustaining life, after oxygen and water.  so obviously, if you couldn't get what you needed simply because you had no loot, loot became the most important thing in life, only as a means to get what you need to stay alive.  now, what still leaves me stumped is the reason this system was set into motion.  why is money important?  because we accept the system of withholding basic needs.  why do we accept the system?  well, if you don't play along by getting Bs in school, working for the boss man and toiling away month after month, you get locked out of the food supply.  of course, we could all decide to ignore the system and be homeless.  reject the system.  yet while this life of money offers absolutely no reward or relief, neither does the homeless life.  the actual problem is not a problem of creating different social programs.  the problem is a problem with our vision.  we cannot envision a different world where we share and work to help one another, because we are forced to work so hard just to get our hands on the bare necessities.  if you decide to reject the system and show your disapproval by protest, you will be locked out of the grocery store.  you cannot feed yourself long enough to sustain the energy it takes to change people's heart and minds.  how can you envision a new world, and show it to people if the minute you step out of the assembly line, you are cut off from your food." 

"you could always dumpster dive," i said.  he smiled and said, "true, this is true.  and yet the world is in need.  the earth is calling to us.  it is showing it's signs of weakness, saying, please, i need your help, we need to work together, i will provide what you need if you remember how in love we used to be."  he looked off toward the almond trees blossoming white fireworks.  "i love this world."  he said, "i want to reach out and hold it with my loving arms.  here in my arms we can find ourselves again.  we are nature and nature is us and we will see the way.  we will envision a new world.  we will find each other dancing in the cool blue-green moon shadow world.  we will embrace.  the only problem is first to see what the world is.  see the system.  see your approval.  see the inability to get around it.  and a new life will bloom out of the muck.  this is the way of nature.  things are born.  they bloom.  the whither.  decay.  death.  mounds of rotten earth.  out of the mud will rise new life.  new colors.  strange dreams alive in our eyes.  we are the world and the world will find itself through our hearts.  we must see.  we must begin.  let us turn towards the sun and stand singing heart songs sideways tongues flailing.  love, charles. love"  he said this and then they wheeled him away in his white overalls.  as they rounded the corner, i saw him smiling looking at something stuck to the wall of the asylum.

i open my eyes and see such beauty beyond words, feel strange and inept when i try to utter my heart song.  can't come close.  let us remember this beauty.  how dark and cold the world can be when we are caught up in the games of winning approval and acclaim.  accomplishments come and go.  flesh returns to earth.  dust is pulled up again into form and covers the earth as fertile fields for new life.  all around us.  within you.  without you.  it is here and nothing can be done to return for we have never been apart.  all there is to do is to remember.  life is whole.  is there a division between the sprawling world of nature and the concrete world of man?  is life cut up into little pieces?  ah, no, we know better.  we know this is merely an illusion.  part of the design which provides means of forgetting which creates the need to remember.  remember what?  remember life is sacred and whole.  nothing outside of life.  life is all.  no-life, or "death" is part of this magical creation.  or should i say, magical existence.  creation calls to mind the beginning of something, when in truth there is no beginning and there is no end.  there is the cycle.  endless cycle of the rise and fall of form.  form meaning these things of the universe which come to pass, such as stars and planets, life forms and inanimate objects.  there is an animating force beyond form which we call energy.  we could call it purple jello or starberry balloons for it is truly beyond understanding.  in fact, life in all its million manifestations is truly beyond comprehension.  to remind ourselves daily of this mystery and gift and magic is necessary in this world of forgetting.  we have forgotten we are part of this Sacred Movement of Life.  can you see when you open your eyes?  can you see it?  can you feel it within you?  do you know what it is?  can you hear me in your heart as i communicate this to you.  i am speaking to the world within you that has been ignored in modern times.  this life is magic.  why is it here?  how is it here?  can you remember every day that you are part of this sacred movement of life?  there is no one to blame for this great forgetting.  forgetting our nature as holy members of sacred life is part of the cosmic dance.  no one is to blame.  it is part of the design.  to suddenly remember this Gift of Life is Precious is the beauty of life itself.  let us not blame ourselves or others, generations past and present.  let us remind ourselves daily of our gift.  let us not toil amongst ourselves, fighting, lashing out, bitter blood boiling to burst.  it is ok.  it is alright.  we are moving forwards, not backwards.  we are remembering.  we will become whole again and we will make such a beautiful world for ourselves because we will also remember our great suffering which arose from our great forgetting and we shall know to avoid forgetting by consciously reminding ourselves daily of the sacred nature of Life.  forgetting this Sacred Holy Life is suffering.  yet, holy life is all there is.  no one and no thing are outside of this Sacred Life.  can you see?  can you feel the truth being written here?  how does this resonate with you?  can you feel your powerful true nature beginning to awaken?  can you sense the magic within you without you?  We Are Alive.  Rejoice.  Remember.  Return.

i went to see Lovey and he said, "hi there.  how are you today?  i am doing well.  I am listening to "Blonde On Blonde" the Bob Dylan album.  pretty good stuff.  ever heard of him?  i have read a few good books in the last couple weeks.  the first was "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.  dang yo, very good.  it redefines spiritual writing in my opinion.  the next book i read was "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn.  It's about a gorilla who teaches about humanity and the history and potential future of the planet.  very good.  both of these books changed my view of life in a fundamental way.  somehow i had never seen society in the way Daniel Quinn's character Ishmael sees it.  The insight into our common history, how we got to be the way we are, and what we can do now to bring about a meaningful future, is eye opening to say the least.  i highly recommend reading "Ishmael" it might change your view of the world for the better.  after that i read the sequel to "Ishmael" called "My Ishmael" in which Ishmael has a different pupil, a twelve year old girl, in fact.  Quinn makes interesting observations on human nature and the structure of society, although i much prefer the original book.  however, i found myself drawn to Quinn's vision of the world, and so i found another one of his books called "The Story of B" about a religious figure sent to investigate the alleged Antichrist.  i am almost finished with it and i'm enjoying it more than "My Ishmael" and this book too offers interesting insights into the life of the world.  i like, i like.  anyhoo.  reading is fun fun fun!  if you're not much of a reader, i suggest finding a book that interests you, because it really does engage the mind and a good book can be a teacher.  anyhow.  life is good."  that's what he said, and then he said, "Charles, i appreciate you coming to visit me here.  it's not so bad being locked up with a bunch of quote unquote lunatics."  and i said, "Lovey, you are my half brother, and i like the listen to your musings.  i'll be back next wednesday at three."

Salvador Sally walks into a bar says, "May i have some cheese please?"  Bartender Harrold looks at him sideways says, "Would you like that in a glass?"  Salvador says, "Sure," then pauses briefly and says, "You heard about Liver Chunks?"  "No, can't say that I have," says Harrold, "When I was kid I chipped my front teeth on the back door at Lester's house so now I can't say words with a C-H sound in them."  Salvador looks up from his glass of warm cheese and says, "Oh yeah, but not out loud,"  "What?" asks Harrold.  "What?" asks Sally.  "You just said 'but not out loud'" "You're right, I did say that, but I guess I didn't mean to."  "Oh, so that's why you said 'but not out loud?' cause you didn't mean to say 'oh yeah' out loud?" says Harrold.  "Yeah, I guess I was just meaning to think that 'oh yeah' to myself and then I heard myself say 'oh yeah' but I hadn't meant to say it out loud, and then I said,"  "Did you talk to Fredrickson last night?"  "No."  "No?"  "No.  Wait, yes I did, yes I did."  Salvador stopped to take a slow sip of cheese.  "Well," prompted Harrold.  "Well?" replied Sally.  "Well, what did she say?"  "Oh she said the other day she was reading a book about fry shopping but she couldn't remember how it ended."  "Fry shopping?"  "Yeah, she said it was like, a guide to help you find the right frying system to use for home cooking."  The billiard balls cracked together and someone shouted, "Oh yea, boy!"  "So that's like, a self-help book about frying and whatnot?"  "Yeah," said Sally.  "Gotcha," said Harrold.  They both turned away to break the connection and then his alarm went off and he woke up, put on a shirt and suspenders, walked out onto the porch when he suddenly realized his pants were slung over the chair from last night's late game of strip solitaire.

The End

-C

how does it feel right now to sit where you are?  can you feel the bottom of your feet?  can you sense the subtle vibration inside your hands?  if you slowly start noticing your body and what it feels like from the inside, you might notice something quite magical is taking place.  if you close your eyes and feel the aliveness inside of you, it will intensify and slowly you will become aware of the most beautiful sensation.  it is like a slow and steady orgasm.  right here.  right now.  it is in you.  it is more beautiful than a purple sun setting into the blue-green sea.  can you notice the feeling?  at first, it might be so subtle you're not sure what to look for, but the more you focus on it, the more you will start to see what is truly there all the time.  the feeling of being alive.  this moment here inside your skin is bliss.  feel it.  can you feel your face and the tension you have stored under your eyes?  can you relax your skin?  can you feel that your nose is slightly colder than the rest of your face?  how bout them eyeballs.  pretty funky, no?  as i begin to notice my being, i am transported to a different realm.  a realm of right here right now ecstatic presence of being.  it is here.  it is there all the while as we drift through our days without a sense of purpose, furious at one another for getting in the way or holding each other back.  holding each other back from what?  from climbing the corporate ladder?  from getting the attention from the boy or girl of our desire?  from getting the house or the car?  from getting respect?  and what are these things that we believe to be so important?  status?  self-esteem?  love?  if you acquire the things you seek, do they fulfill the empty feeling within?  or does that feeling return shortly after acquisition only to be replaced by more wanting, more searching, more emptiness? have you ever stopped to think about this cycle of inevitable suffering?  what is it for?  why do we seek?  what are we looking for?  a positive sense of who we are?  if we let these things define us, what will happen when they fade away, as all things naturally do?  all the roles we play will come to an end.  all the imagined success and all the bitter failure.  all this comes to pass as the stars disappear into the blue morning sky and the sun sinks beneath the hills for the moon to ascend and spin around the earth forever rising forever falling.  all the while, here within us is a feeling which is beyond time.  here in this moment.  close your eyes.  notice your thoughts struggling to bring you back to what is "important."  "i must convince him that he is wrong and i am right."  "i mustn't forget to pay the cell phone bill."  "i am uglier than a charred rhino."  "is it wednesday or september?"  incessant thoughts!  these are not bad thoughts.  they are merely the struggle of an unaware entity.  unaware of what you are, thoughts think they can fill up your life with meaning.  but there is no meaning.  there is only being.  you are what you are.  you are ALREADY who you are.  it is here now.  can you feel it?  how does it feel?  beautiful.  beyond words.  a magic hum of electricity.  like an ocean of joy.  here you are.  you have only to pay attention.  my loves.

chris