when things get tough, people say, "look on the bright side.  life is beautiful.  it is fleeting.  don't dwell on the dark side of reality."  and i say, "sure, you definitely have a point."  and then i notice that i am struggling against a natural flow.  sometimes, life actually is hard.  and when we force ourselves to see only the positive, we are cutting ourselves off from nature.  decay is natural.  we want to avoid decay at all costs.  i would like to say, "yes!"  yes, decay, i shall face you first and foremost.  when i feel the struggle to convince myself to stay positive, to stay happy, i can feel my energy rapidly depleting.  perhaps when i notice this struggle, it is a sign that i am fighting against my true nature.  perhaps what we must do first is to acknowledge the pain.  let it in.  try our best to feel the pain, to hold the hurt.  to understand why and how it arises.  is it really so bad to be down and out?  perhaps if we allow ourselves the space to feel like shit from time to time, we can actually navigate through the walls of hurt and emerge on the other side a truly positive individual.  i fear that the struggle to control our emotions is the root to all violence.  can you feel it?  can you feel yourself struggling to stay upstream?  do you feel uncomfortable when those around you are hurting?  can you feel how exhausting this is?  perhaps the real challenge is not to convince ourselves and others to be positive, but to allow ourselves time to grow a capacity to hold the pain.  for when we fight against the pain, we are fighting against something real.  when something unfortunate occurs in our lives, are there not countless friends telling us to look on the bright side?  is this possible?  or can we comfortably exist in the full spectrum of human emotion?  can you sit with your pain?  do you squirm?  do you struggle?  are you tired?  i too am tired of turning away from the pain.  once we face the pain, it becomes like smoke in the air, swirling around and dissipating and finally vanishing.  when it inevitably comes again, we sit.  we breathe.  we notice ourselves struggling to control the feeling.  this is a natural process.  of course we turn away from the pain.  it hurts!  but to grow, to truly evolve and understand our nature and to grow a capacity for compassion, we must learn to be with our feelings, no matter what they might be.  let us not fight ourselves.  let us find the strength to breathe through the tears.  through the struggle.  i care so much about this world.  i see us afraid.  i see us in turmoil.  can you see it on the faces of the people who pass you by on the street?  can you feel their pain?  the lines along my face grow deep with distress.  but to be present with the feelings, to be aware of the flow of emotions, is the greatest challenge.  if we can face the fear, the struggle, the hurt, and hold it and accept it through understanding, we can evolve into the magical beings that we are.  this is our true nature.  we are children of the stars.  we are alone together.  to find ourselves.  to feel ourselves.  to be human.  to be what we are.  i wish you the strength to survive.  your friend, chris.